Hidden depths?

I just bought a bottle of Ashbeck English Mineral Water and - I shit ye not - it says "Suitable for Vegetarians" on the label. Is there a Beef Flavoured Mineral Water or is the world going effing bonkers?

Boys will be...

Just met an old friend in a supermarket and she told me her daughter has a beauty clinic. Apparently, she used to make up a lot of men who were professionals such as judges and doctors to look like women.
They would come in the front door as Arthur and exit the back one as Martha.
She stopped doing it when a man did something unmentionably disgusting and she scolded him and he liked it!

Speechless

Bought DVD of King's Speech at Sainsbury's.

Checkout girl (CG): So you like the King's Speech then?
Me: Yes
CG: I saw it but I wasn't so sure about it though.
Me: What sort of films do you like then?
CG: I have to watch what I'm told: usually Spongebob Squarepants.
Me: What other films have you enjoyed?
CG: I don't know any more.

Norris's Knob

This gets funnier every time I look at it.